Monday, October 24, 2011

Interview at Rockville Center (after "Interview at Weehauken": fatal duel between Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr)

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“Interview” at Rockville Center


Rockville Center Summer 66 (and Stanford/Crete/JetBlue Flight 7/- Setauket/Smithtown/Sacramento) descended directly from homecoming weekend at Kansas in November 16. I had returned from a football recruiting trip to�you wont believe this�Northwestern, during the weekend of the Cuban Missile Crisis, and played a spectacular(ly lucky) game which made me a High School All-American (sorry; it matters).


A legend named Gayle Sayers (who had played high school football in Omaha--and knocked me out cold on the very first play of my career ) would be playing his final season at KU the next year, and they were scouring the nation for a hotshot to replace him (in the event, an impossible task he was one of the greatest athletes in American history--and author of a book and documovie [Brians Song] about the fatal cancer of a heroic teammate).


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Freshmen couldnt play on varsity teams in those days, which meant that everybody in Kansas already knew that they didnt have TheNextGreatOne in that years crop. So the hunt was on for a high school running back who--well, the invitation that accompanied the plane ticket the idiots delivered to me shamelessly (and embarrassingly) plagiarized the most famous paragraph in the history of American sports reporting .1


In those benighted times big-time football schools provided hostesses to escort recruiting targets (not Northwestern, you’ll be happy to hear), and mine turned out to be the local SororitySuperStar, Linda Paradise, brightshininglight of the Pi Phi Pledge Class. The whole house was in on her spectacular entrance down a spiral staircase, which of course I assumed was aimed at my exalted presence.





Not it turned out that shed been humiliated recently by the quondam heir to the Sayers mantle (you may not believe this either--when I remembered it I couldn’t--but I checked and its true it was some kid from New Jersey, for Gods sake) and I, as a Nebraska SS, was to be her revenge (she was from Omaha, and wed circled each other for years).


Jumping to curfew time (did NW still have that for women when you were there?), the agenda finally unfolded I was to be the, uh, instrument for a (semi-)public demo contrary to her Pure-As-The-Driven-Snow image, she did give head, as we used to say, and as well as--no, better than--her AlphaPussy-Pledge Rival and successor with Jersey-Joe-something-or-other---and All Would Be Made Clear. To ALL.


If you’re still reading this, I’m sure you wonder what anything so ridiculous has to do with you, or anything that matters (or should matter) to anyone worth knowing, let alone worth caring for. I guarantee that it has everything to do with both of us; what happened that night has colored everything I ever do with/about/to SexMonsters--the Third Gender4�I met after you.





In any event, we were in a convertible provided by the team; one of her sisters had saved a parking spot strategically located between the parking lot and the freshmen womens dorm, and she became extremely friendly. Although she denied it later, Ill always believe she was tipped off when her former friend and the new girlfriend arrived; in any event, when she precipitously started to carry out the plan, I stopped her. Where what happened next came from, bad word choice, I dont know, but





1. “On a bright September Saturday two Falls away,


The Fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse...


“Will gallop onto the KU Plain�


And into History . . . .


Famine, Pestilence, Destruction, and Death,


Make Way for Steve. . .


[not Stephen then--cf. your diary]


The AA next to his name stands for All-American today,


But it will mean Apostle of the Apocalypse


Before too many JayHawk Saturdays pass away.


[I had just been named Catholic Schoolboy Player of the Year�hence the Apostle BS; ‘clever’


writing, eh?


The original Four Horseman lead had been written by Grantland Rice�about


four football legends from Notre Dame


“Outlined against a blue-gray October sky,


The Four Horsemen rode again.


In dramatic lore they are known as


Famine, Pestilence, Destruction and Death.


These are only aliases.


Their real names are Stuhldreher, Miller, Crowley and Layden.”





I can hear you retching from here. I know this is gruesome; please bear with me.]


[My GOD, Lynn literally at the last second before I sent this, the reference


to Notre Dame reminded me why I went to Dartmouth and not


Northwestern Coach Ara Parseghian, who had convinced me to come to


NW, jumped to Notre Dame after that season, and I KNEW that NWs


brief run of great teams would end--which in fact it did.


Jesus CHRIST, what If... ?!]


Id hate to lose you (??) to laughter-induced cardiac arrest, especially before you finish reading this, so I hope youre seated safely.


Or re-something; I never was too clear on the concepts of the convoluted sexual politics in KUGreekJockocracyLand.


4 Closely related to Third Rails. Very closely.


If you have any inclination to fight me on this, dont go there--youd fail the acidlitmustest in a nanosecond at 600 PM in any trendy bar/restaurant/bistro/etc. everyone--especially female everyones--knows instantaneously who the SMs are normal women will be whining that all the good men (self-cancelling phrase?) are married/taken/gay/etcetera, etcetera, etcetera (pace Zorba the G [BTW--my fraternity nickname was “Zor” the movie opened in Hanover the week I ‘pledged’ Animal House]).


You and the other chosen few (the term is deliberate) never have had, never will have--never could have--that thought, even in a Force Ten blizzard howling through the LongNight at the South Pole.


Please try to suspend your genetic predisposition to fight back You are a Sex Monster, and that immutable Fact/Force of Nature has everything to do with what Im trying to say here, and more than a little to do, I am certain beyond peradventure, with what has happened to you in your life--not to mention what (and to whom) you have ‘happened. (And that euphemism almost rivals the ‘original’ [See below]).


The title is (doubly) allusive It adverts, first, to the “Interview at Weehawken, the euphemism for the catastrophic duel between Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr at Weehawken, New Jersey (just across the Hudson, on a narrow ledge above the river 100 yards from the Lincoln Tunnel), July 11, 1804.


Second, the events described here happened one Friday night/Saturday morning during a two-week period in early/mid-July, Summer 166. I hope that neither Friday nor Saturday actually were July 11; Im afraid to look up the day/date, but I went to Weehawken that Sunday.


The original Interview was fatal. So was the second


At the time I had no clue at all that the person I wanted to be, hoped to become, died that night.





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