Thursday, June 16, 2011


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My sometimes unhealthy habit of staying up far too late reading is comparable to my grandmother’s entirely unhealthy passion for Solitaire. We both exhibit similar behavior and denial as a result of our separate vices.

I believe that concerning people like her, Solitaire was invented as some sort of cruel cosmic joke. It becomes a game so wickedly delightful that my grandmother cannot understand the severity of her dependency. By her bloodshot eyes and shifty glances, antsy behavior and blisters on her index finger from one too many clicks on the mouse, she is easily distinguished from the novices. Her day consists of a vicious cycle of false hopes and quelled dreams. She usually takes a stroll around the room, casting a few involuntary glances toward the computer, and then decides to take a seat and rest. She has a few regular correspondences, so she checks one or two e-mails and then peruses the day’s news. But then her inner voice speaks up; “well since you’re already here, might as well pass some time with a nice, relaxing game of cards.” She opens a game and as the first card flips, everything seems as if it’s going to be all right. Oh, but the ordeal has only just begun.

A faint warmth passes through her frail body as the game begins. She places a four of spades here, a three of diamonds there. The tiny cards seem to stack by their own free will and fly to the four holy piles at the top of the screen. But then the mayhem begins. Grandmother notices only a few cards left in the draw pile, while many still appear face down underneath the stacks. Too many. A panicky turmoil ensues as she runs out of options. One-eyed jacks seem to stare at her with scorn and derision, and from the queen of hearts issues a barely audible “off with her head!” Diamonds, spades, clubs, and hearts dance around the hateful screen. Her computer room gets smaller and the monitor dimmer as she sees no more moves.

Another game starts, as one game simply does not satiate her hunger. Another promising start precedes another brutal defeat. Then one day, the cards continue disappearing until that rapturous moment arrives and she wins the game. But as she throws her thin arms up in triumph, she realizes that there is no one there to share in her victory. Of course, she can tell people how she barely prevailed but that is not enough. There are no witnesses, and quite possibly there will be no belief from peers. As a result she does the only thing that comes to mind; she plays again.

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I can closely relate to my grandmother’s addiction and I have the courage to say that I cannot end my late-night reading, but I realize I have a problem. I too have triumphed in the face of oncoming sleep; I have even received paper cuts from reading while I’m half-asleep. Although this tendency occasionally causes harm, I would never even dream of giving it up.

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